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From: Insane Founder <lavena@insanefounder.com>
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Subject: How not to trigger defensiveness when you criticise
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^Hi! Welcome. You being here means more than you know. Knowing it lands wit=
h someone like you keeps me going. I'm ^^[Lavena Xu-Johnson](https://x.com/=
iamlavena)^^. I write about psychology for founders. Why? Because scaling a=
 business means scaling ourselves first.^

Hi founders,

Welcome to every new reader who joined in the new year. Nothing resets my n=
ervous system like coming back to the newsletter and finding you here again=
.=20

It=E2=80=99s been a hectic start to the year on our side, as we've been pri=
oritizing and executing our plans for 2026.

For many of us, the last month of 2025 was heavy on feedback: the positives=
, the criticisms, and the reviews of how we worked and how our teams perfor=
med.

Criticism and conflict resolution, more broadly, are not easy. It becomes e=
specially hard when the stakes are high: when one person=E2=80=99s performa=
nce affects a team=E2=80=99s outcome, when resentment has built up before t=
he conversation, when the runway is tight, and when risks are involved that=
 could change the futures of many others. I am always struck by leaders who=
 can give constructive criticism without leaving psychological bruises, whi=
le still creating real behavioural change and lasting impact.=20

To kick off 2026, we are going to explore frameworks to help us navigate a =
hard one-on-one conversation.

__**[Subscribe](https://insanefounder.com/subscribe?utm_source=3Dinsanefoun=
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=E2=80=94=E2=80=94

### The paper that changed how I think about criticism

In 1999, three social psychologists from Stanford University, Geoffrey Cohe=
n, Claude Steele, and Lee Ross, published a paper called [The Mentor=E2=80=
=99s Dilemma: Providing Critical Feedback Across the Racial Divide.](https:=
//www.researchgate.net/publication/228607661_The_Mentor's_Dilemma_Providing=
_Critical_Feedback_Across_the_Racial_Divide)

The study is worth decoding because it reaches far more than the education =
setting - it=E2=80=99s a study about what criticism _means_ in almost any r=
elationship. What was even more fascinating was the researchers'=E2=80=99 b=
ackground - they weren=E2=80=99t communication researchers, but psychologis=
ts who studied how people misread each other=E2=80=99s motives in high stre=
ss social context ([Professor Lee Ross](https://www.researchgate.net/profil=
e/Lee-Ross-3)), identity-linked pressure and how it affects performance ([P=
rofessor Claude Steele](https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Claude-Steele)=
), and how to utilise small psychological shifts to change how people inter=
pret threat and belonging ([Professor Geoffrey L Cohen](https://www.researc=
hgate.net/profile/Geoffrey-Cohen-2)).

In the paper, two student groups received largely critical feedback. The re=
searchers then tested different ways to frame the same criticism and how th=
ey were perceived by the student groups. They framed the way they delivered=
 the criticism in three types (while the criticism itself remained the same=
):=20

1. Unbuffered criticism

2. Criticism + High standards=20

3. Criticism + High standards + Assurance

The third type changed the outcomes of how well the students received the f=
eedback, and the researchers called it =E2=80=9Cthe wise criticism=E2=80=9D=
; the added messages were:

* High standards: the work is being held to a bar

* Assurance of capability: I believe you can meet the bar

When the criticism was delivered without the buffer of =E2=80=98assurance o=
f capability=E2=80=99, students were more likely to interpret it through th=
e lens of bias and rejection, and motivation dropped. Praise alone did not =
improve how feedback was received, nor did high expectations alone. When it=
 arrived with both layers, students responded well, motivation and identifi=
cation improved. =20

This is familiar to most leaders: criticism at work is rarely processed as =
neutral information; it is often processed as a social signal, especially w=
hen ambiguity is present - differences in background, seniority, gender, st=
atus, identity, and race.=20

=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=
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=E2=80=94=E2=80=94

### The founder translation: criticism is rarely heard as =E2=80=9Cabout th=
e work.=E2=80=9D

In startups, feedback lives inside a constant inner noise of uncertainty: D=
o I belong here? Am I safe here? Am I still valued here? Is my role shrinki=
ng? Is my future at stake?

Even high performers can carry a private version of this, especially when t=
he organisation is moving fast, and the social terrain changes weekly. Foun=
ders are not immune either. When you give criticism, you are usually also m=
anaging your own threat narrative: pressure, responsibility, the fear that =
you are carrying everyone on your back.

Cohen, Steele, and Ross were researching racial mistrust in mentoring, but =
the psychological mechanism can apply to work situations in which people ha=
ve any reason to doubt their standing: criticism doesn=E2=80=99t land as gu=
idance, and the feedback becomes irrelevant and unhelpful.=20

This is why founders often default to two extremes:

* They soften criticism with warmth and compliments, hoping to keep the rel=
ationship intact, but the behaviour you want to remove persists.

* They deliver criticism bluntly, hoping to create clarity and urgency, but=
 then the relationship fractures and the person disengages.


=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=
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=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=
=E2=80=94=E2=80=94

### The =E2=80=98wise criticism=E2=80=99 principle

When you criticise someone=E2=80=99s work, you are sending two messages at =
once:

* A message about the _standard_

* A message about the _person=E2=80=99s standing_

Most leaders focus on the first and assume the second will be inferred corr=
ectly. In reality, the second is where most people panic. Wise feedback mak=
es the second message explicit, so the first message can be heard.

**1) Set the standard first**

Instead of conveying disappointment, focus on the standard, the culture you=
=E2=80=99re setting, and move the discussion from personality to common nor=
ms and shared rules.

**2) Add the buffer: assurance of capability**

One of the most interesting parts of the 1999 study is that praise did not =
work the same way as assurance of capability. Praise sounds like: you are g=
ood. Wise feedback is: you are capable of accomplishing something difficult=
, and I am invested in your capability.

We often reach for praise because it is socially easier, but what people ne=
ed in times of threat is not admiration, but trust.=20

After giving the criticism, firmly say: =E2=80=9CI=E2=80=99m being direct b=
ecause I believe you can meet that bar.=E2=80=9D It turns criticism from a =
threat into a form of inclusion. It says: You are not being demoted from th=
e team; you are being invited deeper into the culture.

Wise feedback is not about being gentle or removing pressure in a crisis; i=
t is about removing interpretive ambiguity and preventing mistrust. By sayi=
ng, =E2=80=9CThis is a high-pressure quarter, and I am going to be more dir=
ect. I=E2=80=99m doing that because the standard matters and because I beli=
eve you can hit it with the right structure,=E2=80=9D you reiterated the pe=
rformance and protected the relationship.

This could feel unnatural at first because, to an extent, it can feel emoti=
onally exposing, and it forces founders to admit they care whether the team=
 member stays stagnant or grows. Being emotionally distant or detached can =
feel safer, but it could also make feedback feel more like a rejection.

Most of us think delivering good criticism is about choosing the right word=
s, but this study suggests it is about controlling the meaning behind your =
criticism. When people feel trusted, they can hear =E2=80=9Cyour work misse=
d the standard=E2=80=9D instead of =E2=80=9Cyou missed the standard as a pe=
rson.=E2=80=9D=20

=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=
=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=
=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=
=E2=80=94=E2=80=94

### Key takeaways

We often think of criticism as a test of the other person=E2=80=99s maturit=
y, but it is also a test of our ability to achieve two goals at once: maint=
aining standards and belonging.

For a practical experiment for this week: pick one feedback conversation yo=
u are avoiding, and write your opening in two sentences only.

1. The standard.

2. Your belief that they can meet it and your intention to keep them in the=
 game.

Next edition, we will take this into group conflict, where the question is =
no longer =E2=80=9Cdo I belong=E2=80=9D but =E2=80=9Cwhich side am I on,=E2=
=80=9D and why teams turn disagreement into identity attacks so quickly.

=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=80=94=E2=
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=E2=80=94=E2=80=94

As always, hit reply if something in here hits home.

Until next week,
Lavena=20

P.S. _If you want to get a founder feature about your own story, reply to t=
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wrap:normal;word-spacing:normal;background-color:#FFFFFF;"><div role=3D"art=
icle" aria-roledescription=3D"email" aria-label=3D"email_name" lang=3D"en" =
style=3D"font-size:1rem"><div style=3D"display:none;max-height:0px;overflow=
:hidden;"> What Stanford researchers learned about the =E2=80=9Cwise=E2=80=
=9D criticism &#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8=
204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;=
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#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204;&#160;&#8204; </div><tab=
le role=3D"none" width=3D"100%" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" align=3D"cen=
ter" cellpadding=3D"0" class=3D"gg"><tr><td align=3D"center" valign=3D"top"=
><table role=3D"none" width=3D"670" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadd=
ing=3D"0" class=3D"aa" style=3D"width:670px;table-layout:fixed;"><tr><td cl=
ass=3D"bodyWrapper" align=3D"center" valign=3D"top" style=3D"padding:10px 1=
0px 10px 10px;"><table role=3D"none" width=3D"100%" border=3D"0" cellspacin=
g=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td align=3D"center" valign=
=3D"top" style=3D"border-width:0px 0px 0px 0px;border-style: solid; border-=
color: #000000;border-radius:10px 10px 0px 0px;background-color:#FFFFFF;" c=
lass=3D"c"><table role=3D"none" width=3D"100%" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"=
0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr id=3D"header"><td style=3D"paddin=
g:15px 15px 0px 15px;"><div style=3D"padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padd=
ing-bottom:20px;padding-left:0px;"><table role=3D"none" width=3D"100%" bord=
er=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td class=
=3D"f" align=3D"right" valign=3D"top"><p> January 20, 2026 &nbsp; | &nbsp; =
<a href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK=
5K96HvxOJxLtWweYntAW6STg5oIv35Lk3eltq8ZS_M_nOJVkU3tdRwrSQgyslFUVwA8jtLMbutB=
iYFbL2xbwipJO3ardT5bTZSQJOdIYEViOvdA9LI6xjONZIn4kJeFTLiO3pE57TiJ2yhuxF28KzI=
4F21pBieX9c4_oSI_UK8dilCtp7Mip181R6wI9wEdSO-1xbDFIK4GCmaYEpa0v0zU1s4rde3scq=
jy9TbpDQqo7NbVFLfQ7Nwpg8_Tk08rFvqo39lJew4kP2hC_sEQAi8Anf3Jp-KYXit82tKCuikm9=
NI_ESFy7Dg61dlcN2h20bY-UPFDxqw-op06lZ8_cI3445_XcVYOXZ2YsC8oIG-JQY2dtBtMzXnS=
hWsZL844zBDLideKehDJrwID5L6d9TQIb1ZGnuUYTc8lfPuAf3mroGKgJQFSh7ki0MMvZILnrWQ=
pbMvn7W7wppwAVc7MOvaV4/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h0/h001.LAaTYf7rUmMvf_UHS=
MNASt0BLPCkW6sYd_6lbZvE8yc"><span class=3D"translation_missing" title=3D"tr=
anslation missing: en.templates.posts.email.header.listen_online">Listen On=
line</span></a> &nbsp; | &nbsp; <a href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.c=
om/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96HvxOJxLtWweYntAW6STg5oIv35Lk3eltq8ZS_M_=
nOJVkU3tdRwrSQgyslFUVwA8jtLMbutBiYFbL2xbwipJO3ardT5bTZSQJOdIYEViOvdA9LI6xjO=
NZIn4kJeFTLiO3pE57TiJ2yhuxF28KzI4F21pBieX9c4_oSI_UK8dilCtp7Mip181R6wI9wEdSO=
-1xbDFIK4GCmaYEpa0v0zU1s4rde3scqjy9TbpDQqo7NbVFLfQ7Nwpg8_Tk08rFvqvE85RBH1Sj=
OVBoJXobO5mupFTyt-vTP4ew5Nys6IroGp3AnHJ_K7j2gbujTa-6Z-DJPZbnr6Owrp4IXAYUIHu=
t8YYN06xnfXZtaMJ8z1VEf26A7lX9JUqGnkckIWZGf4Zli5QMLrgDDcMsReZxgpuhU9OZKiGnn0=
upZJNkmtcr25C34-GVHz1FLWf3mzdMKXA/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h1/h001.3Kvjre=
2UQbdGYoqnpmP4bdk9-xu-DhWOMF18jq5srC4"><span class=3D"translation_missing" =
title=3D"translation missing: en.templates.posts.email.header.read_online">=
Read Online</span></a></p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"center" v=
align=3D"top" style=3D"width:100%;text-align:center;"><table role=3D"none" =
border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center" style=3D"=
margin:16px auto 16px; padding: 0;"><tbody><tr><td style=3D"width:620px;pad=
ding: 0px 0px 0px 0px;text-align:center;"><a href=3D"https://elinke47.insan=
efounder.com/ss/c/u001.AISvUUSVjDprnRD9tNkLRcGmfW09rMevMnXoY8ocgH8FEEph4_fa=
UYYmEmj9kWr6IvCRZA85YlSyYmWvjkZBJoDzeKr6tv1xRUFnemXtRVpOB67AJTIyllQUyshE40p=
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TtM14"><img alt=3D"" width=3D"620" height=3D"auto" border=3D"0" style=3D"wi=
dth:100%;height:auto;border:0;display:block;outline:none;text-decoration:no=
ne;margin:0 auto;" src=3D"https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fit=3Dsca=
le-down,format=3Dauto,onerror=3Dredirect,quality=3D80/uploads/asset/file/69=
8927e8-034b-4606-a502-d5cb1884b92b/4.png?t=3D1744055011"/></a></td></tr></t=
body></table></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"center" valign=3D"top"=
 style=3D"padding:15px 0;"><table role=3D"none" width=3D"100%" border=3D"0"=
 cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td align=3D"cent=
er" valign=3D"top"><h1 style=3D"text-align:left;font-family:'Spectral',Geor=
gia,Palatino,serif;font-weight:400;font-size:32px;color:#000000FF;padding:2=
px 0;line-height:38px;"> How not to trigger defensiveness when you criticis=
e </h1><p style=3D"text-align:left;font-family:'Karla',-apple-system,BlinkM=
acSystemFont,Roboto,sans-serif;font-weight:normal;font-size:20px;color:#000=
000FF;padding:5px 0;line-height:24px;"> What Stanford researchers learned a=
bout =E2=80=9Cwise=E2=80=9D criticism </p></td></tr></table></td></tr><tr><=
td align=3D"center" valign=3D"top" class=3D"dd"><table role=3D"none" width=
=3D"100%" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"=
><tr><td aling=3D"center" valign=3D"middle" class=3D"mob-stack"><table role=
=3D"none" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"left" c=
lass=3D"mob-stack" style=3D"width:100%;"><tr><td align=3D"left" valign=3D"m=
iddle" style=3D"padding: 5px 0px 5px 0px;"><table role=3D"none" border=3D"0=
" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"left"><tr><td align=3D"cente=
r" valign=3D"middle"><img src=3D"https://media.beehiiv.com/cdn-cgi/image/fi=
t=3Dscale-down,format=3Dauto,onerror=3Dredirect,quality=3D80/uploads/user/p=
rofile_picture/7222f065-0aeb-4775-bb97-0e4610547de8/thumb_Lavena_profile_1_=
bigger.jpg" width=3D"40" alt=3D"" style=3D"display:block;max-width:40px;bor=
der-radius:50%;position:relative;border:4px solid rgba(0,0,0,0) !important;=
left:-4px;box-sizing:content-box;z-index:10;" border=3D"0"/></td><td width=
=3D"5" style=3D"width:5px;">&nbsp;</td><td align=3D"left" valign=3D"middle"=
 class=3D"g" style=3D"position:relative;left:8px;width:100%;"><p style=3D"p=
adding:0px;color:#000000FF;"> Lavena Xu-Johnson </p></td></tr></table></td>=
</tr></table></td></tr></table></td></tr><tr><td><table role=3D"none" width=
=3D"100%" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"=
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order-bottom:1px solid #E5E7EB;padding-top:12px;padding-bottom:12px;margin-=
bottom:15px;margin-top:15px;"><tr><td align=3D"left" valign=3D"middle"><tab=
le role=3D"none" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"=
left"><tr><td align=3D"left" valign=3D"middle"><table role=3D"none" border=
=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"left"><tr><td align=3D"=
center" valign=3D"middle"><a href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/=
c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96HvxOJxLtWweYntAW6STiw4d_7LF00bVAkL7zi_ugH1ubl=
LZoEHy5SNHjO6CoXSb3SaGEmZ0wR8pwcmfPuD2UtPBHB3_-e2wRV4ibVOPJFdC_zR2Jrin07JyI=
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width=3D"8" style=3D"width:8px;">&nbsp;</td></tr></table></td></tr></table>=
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" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"right" class=3D""><tr><td al=
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</td><td width=3D"8" style=3D"width:8px;">&nbsp;</td><td align=3D"center" v=
align=3D"middle"><a href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.AI=
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r></table></a></td><td width=3D"8" style=3D"width:8px;">&nbsp;</td><td alig=
n=3D"center" valign=3D"middle"><a href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.co=
m/ss/c/u001.AT3-eE2Hi133k66I6TdPhlb-iZ9lau5wPrZlmTE1GK7ku2ZyGAYRPp3MG8xy-rj=
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tr></table></a></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></td><=
/tr></table></td></tr><tr><td style=3D"line-height:0;"><div data-open-track=
ing=3D"true"> <img src=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/o/u001.Ifrz=
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tant;margin-right:0 !important;margin-left:0 !important;padding-top:0 !impo=
rtant;padding-bottom:0 !important;padding-right:0 !important;padding-left:0=
 !important;"/> </div></td></tr></table></div></td></tr><tr id=3D"content-b=
locks"><td class=3D"email-card-body" align=3D"center" valign=3D"top" style=
=3D"padding-bottom:15px;"><table role=3D"none" width=3D"100%" border=3D"0" =
cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td class=3D"dd" a=
lign=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-wo=
rd;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"><span style=3D"color:rgb(103,=
 114, 91);"><sup>Hi! Welcome. You being here means more than you know. Know=
ing it lands with someone like you keeps me going. I&#39;m </sup></span><sp=
an style=3D"color:rgb(103, 114, 91);"><sup><a class=3D"link" href=3D"https:=
//elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.bpfNd0WUME1E9_0kM61ss20A6eYu3Kq770Nw=
zQBXkDmB5VFLBSNs4j0q0WZ_47fINpnPAH_h58nWpTuxWQBHyo-wp9_D_Q_4207L58iFucOuhOf=
icxyCV6EaYqQg2SYZvZXrzJM2dJgWwHmkPD5Rnfkb-VgV9kaXell-GXn7bL4YmSChtywcQdkh-Y=
QDOu6SqPWK-ZUUNxLrGigrSy0J2jpEisNQJ2PL2EoBTT9Nu4S95dg2JH-JMVxU2ZZK0veYFayZb=
Oy9e_rFhPnHn6Au8g/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h8/h001.29ku7Rc3sRR5J14xNTduDx=
B-K8KtmWSq0vmF-Ef6FvI" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopener noreferrer nofollo=
w"><span>Lavena Xu-Johnson</span></a></sup></span><span style=3D"color:rgb(=
103, 114, 91);"><sup>. I write about psychology for founders. Why? Because =
scaling a business means scaling ourselves first.</sup></span></p></td></tr=
><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:l=
eft;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> Hi fo=
unders, </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:=
0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-heigh=
t-alt:150.0%;"> Welcome to every new reader who joined in the new year. Not=
hing resets my nervous system like coming back to the newsletter and findin=
g you here again. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=
=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"ms=
o-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> It=E2=80=99s been a hectic start to the year on=
 our side, as we&#39;ve been prioritizing and executing our plans for 2026.=
 </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"e" align=3D"left" valign=3D"top" style=3D"p=
adding:15px 15px 12px;"><h3 style=3D"">How&#39;s your 2026 going so far?</h=
3></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"ee e " style=3D"padding:0px 15px 15px;"><div s=
tyle=3D"margin-left:0px;" class=3D"edm_outlooklist"><table role=3D"none" bo=
rder=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"4" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"left" style=3D"min-=
width:300px;"><tr><td style=3D"width:100%;border:1px solid rgba(50, 50, 50,=
 0.17);padding:6px 12px; border-radius:4px;"><a style=3D"font-style:normal;=
text-decoration:none;" href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001=
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8PBF6o3Jpn7EHxCxqAnn-giddWcYjQw31b0REX1hiGJYURin0rMnK0Vdxzlpd-oTBdkf8--Ely8=
j_AfLmmH29G4rFCxRSFjo861BoTgxjBc17jZASTDPVs6j93I-pdZEDP_hb6Ieivy-qAl6TCuHRs=
3J8rx-6R5cpKGbS52O7bpUPi7nMUMA6tL-muVO1IYm-vhCg2wLlu5iWLDu0LlarxoBR6vNoLC-a=
b3CWH-XvlW3_JD5OFteOUXX6fZgTV9tjPHwBq5EI_bLCZU4Wvq3QLgYCub72udnmaW22SrQqdUq=
kQYtF82f7XIszdH6FgWg/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h9/h001.4d2OFBIB0F6KsOPZKzH=
SyQAIxs3zrIOUO31Otnkc-48"><p style=3D"font-size:14px;color:inherit;"> Hecti=
c like a bee, big plans ahead </p></a></td></tr><tr><td style=3D"width:100%=
;border:1px solid rgba(50, 50, 50, 0.17);padding:6px 12px; border-radius:4p=
x;"><a style=3D"font-style:normal;text-decoration:none;" href=3D"https://el=
inke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96HvxOJxLtWweYntAW6=
SThhBQvRdV0UtNMvsJEfkTvMJBmJYI7KcdfvT5LJpWnfeAPvVowaEA8i3wW1vIrll5jwlQk4SIy=
xxOWBeHqRRC03oBN3X8Hxv5luJuUqGmFXF2iTdapd0sPmXOKy3-75x5gQroMsg_O-R3fnHcpPHJ=
vcQIudsOfxoMlUngL5Rk8NMUQWq8sa0HZVnoeQpl6Q1zvApMlqWkMAiD6zB-1FajFkGAVdKGBGW=
bZPu-UT9IIQ4E57JXFFRQb2s8AC6WCn3cHu6agUEPHHQdj8lSPeZ0d3yet4bI_8-WLU5m13TyV4=
8aZ0Bf9mLbhjdB3DTnZ4OytNnwVy3J2Lz6ithQ699igqfGr9Ctd-eQB7PbCJz1ZV2U4cjV_gKrO=
85p63GBdtkFi9eA4bNAvFc8sBFX2pmvfiOzvUPyMsJRy2O2lFT4WJGuaILwSasKmVu407Ux2Rwl=
j-ChtS5hGpwCs3Ch-k0H1gAiPMwA7R4BrsLPcGDagYuBN_PhZCc8vWuZ1-0nYLGIfQ5AL15w0TZ=
LHJARb0jQeZYV9AEA7tB_wKBAP_Oqpeoa-sBvK35Km4Rr3JWC5IYig/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVf=
aXZHiw/h10/h001.eQRerfMmYZrEEQHKdV51RCzVA2DvxzWkinY0Veer6CA"><p style=3D"fo=
nt-size:14px;color:inherit;"> Slow and steady </p></a></td></tr><tr><td sty=
le=3D"width:100%;border:1px solid rgba(50, 50, 50, 0.17);padding:6px 12px; =
border-radius:4px;"><a style=3D"font-style:normal;text-decoration:none;" hr=
ef=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96H=
vxOJxLtWweYntAW6SThhBQvRdV0UtNMvsJEfkTvMJBmJYI7KcdfvT5LJpWnfeAPvVowaEA8i3wW=
1vIrll5g9qHm6qp_Q5YQ4sSiNqlaXaOjfmZeOjp_iQTa2GGuMDtdF1mbPkrKrAGvaqJC9sAqPpi=
RLgo4L2tjrMgzMzcICcKT3YsBxjvRLMUu1GWha91nt0i4kc61AKLGA079-gzW0ZGxMEHJqQCEKu=
MmEGOKS8T2r2RyOZ81wi9X9bfj0Mab-7EnyqSdhQcgubJPrJ2KhEhVCeCtSJhZYYACb4DYgKYV-=
CuPj_5DubALuLPFVEMt3I9MwXXhq1kYzG429tH_XI2uW99wdRLUqGj7SuSWkk7tcNFdrId9eoly=
Q1_CAIqJyR2pLFMUawaIqFmXnNa14as1J1iz8iZY5m88h6IDcaVBPryhlvmP4hnlcQ1UGjcHVye=
tgT46wE3jajsbBfM-cFqxQJ8rI2i3rJVZOl9JgfAJ61tPPS88lghQ7z_gGh7mk-xuZxztiHj4B_=
kgs5oZIFt2i03T77divONtCVeczxgF_b7x01T7q8956pLh7vuaxlGU6o1Xs9ne_xO6eHBY/4ng/=
CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h11/h001.Xuj3iPFtD1XqN7oujNEhHxkQCj_tb-Cc0kOH7ko7vq4=
"><p style=3D"font-size:14px;color:inherit;"> Not leaving the holiday mood =
</p></a></td></tr></table></div></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"lef=
t" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p sty=
le=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> For many of us, the last month of 2025 =
was heavy on feedback: the positives, the criticisms, and the reviews of ho=
w we worked and how our teams performed. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd"=
 align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-=
word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> Criticism and conflict res=
olution, more broadly, are not easy. It becomes especially hard when the st=
akes are high: when one person=E2=80=99s performance affects a team=E2=80=
=99s outcome, when resentment has built up before the conversation, when th=
e runway is tight, and when risks are involved that could change the future=
s of many others. I am always struck by leaders who can give constructive c=
riticism without leaving psychological bruises, while still creating real b=
ehavioural change and lasting impact. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" al=
ign=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-wor=
d;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> To kick off 2026, we are goin=
g to explore frameworks to help us navigate a hard one-on-one conversation.=
 </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"center" style=3D"padding:0px 1=
5px;text-align:center;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-a=
lt:150.0%;"><span style=3D"color:rgb(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"text-de=
coration:underline;"><i><b><a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://elinke47.insan=
efounder.com/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96HvxOJxLtWweYntAW6SThglUp8d1cG=
eAcSR7wfP56yfdUiQg-yWMsCdDHbOqyNV0BcDd0BlNCSWIR3vK7tJFNwoxCfOtNqQX4lphXaL70=
-ui5VtS9M0QdUTPzHZXdiLERV4istNuhC69rGKtu0xcn5eFWxVUWwdRrcAP5Bj1Bzri1nX6-F_l=
VxuUD8e4X3h33nPZQTYJZn6Jgv-mh9X0dyNlBq9F0oIANo8TXLgLv15Fw3ohfN6MVT0MWVESTmo=
sNbXlhaimHtfozZqca_ITznxMC9-eV_fqnYXmAV3TxlCrZSmrSXfoSvNdAC8XqH4Zdt4W0LJ10e=
4m2TjFBE8n-wmGITak08q_TgO9vOinTuz3nXLGqYL-KUBa1ayevDuQ/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVf=
aXZHiw/h12/h001.ejiWVyuA39O6XPrA38UqKV81OGC1tA93BNKtKr4C67Y" target=3D"_bla=
nk" rel=3D"noopener noreferrer nofollow" style=3D"text-decoration-color: rg=
b(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"color: rgb(103, 114, 91);">Subscribe</span=
></a></b></i></span></span><span style=3D"color:rgb(0, 0, 0);"> | </span><s=
pan style=3D"color:rgb(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"text-decoration:under=
line;"><i><b><a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/s=
s/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96HvxOJxLtWweYntAW6SThJNmZUgWG0QUcOSyhN3AcIPA=
Rp_pQUGucbwJJsQP64Qp0v7sUCdopq5BrvXJP_5n08wRcJFnNUsMq2XjdBCQOMT1jU2nq30da1C=
v00vlXLyMIyD6ZHdxZQ2GaVIQED_j-GpBrFvA6Ky6iPNJV7SXXwnw76zzJyQ9UGMgiP1E10hdmb=
rqWbZQqNkCxLfXzca7JWx3ufuPd7ynvxJSBVXD9EaYDfXE9CuNp1YpZZKHYqmifPOTb3AiDac4s=
ckH28WnQSOftJ0gNYnPIMJ-Fu9a-jZmVkPQ5Ie1e0TbXU5oEjEu-VtRIuhaAVzZEQjy_Pa6QSoJ=
XQr3Rdj7gWeujh_ZTa1ZJCBa-etvlM5zX6zRg8Qw/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h13/h00=
1.KpXSuSeMmc6ukr6IxX1PDn-nJ7OvKGT6hFmMwN-0ZEA" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noo=
pener noreferrer nofollow" style=3D"text-decoration-color: rgb(103, 114, 91=
);"><span style=3D"color: rgb(103, 114, 91);">Past essays</span></a></b></i=
></span></span><span style=3D"color:rgb(0, 0, 0);"> | </span><span style=3D=
"color:rgb(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"text-decoration:underline;"><i><b=
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c3xZvrw82p29D5a_CR4QPdruG7MgSu6yILfuv0AX0Yg3mW8Pid8oO_Ww4PVUDqFMQAvvS2OOfQL=
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ft6YGIzFCAjNPqfWO7tho_JurpBiYd5ujuzW6nXUODlZO8VKoFAra_0_olrcrCvRAq6PNnmE34a=
0mQixx23NjPi9Wf4p7UYnA5PaLkV_a8bYGO5l2PFd6k6HCrqmdagCsU_t90obmjglUf-89p-zjf=
xcgsvGl8Lz37o6NKstpZfYt4dokmZvFi-LVhU7LlE7j4A4kX3w4IlB1r2RGM8uLAzteDBL7tGUh=
ctJ8XqtEqKVjxNY2Qv4mUIPemoEw/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h14/h001.BCozMaYMHp=
I_q2us2F3k9FIC3RGWX8aoCNrS9mm156A" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopener norefe=
rrer nofollow" style=3D"text-decoration-color: rgb(103, 114, 91);"><span st=
yle=3D"color: rgb(103, 114, 91);">Let=E2=80=99s collaborate</span></a></b><=
/i></span></span><span style=3D"color:rgb(0, 0, 0);"> | </span><span style=
=3D"color:rgb(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"text-decoration:underline;"><i=
><b><a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.=
AISvUUSVjDprnRD9tNkLRcGmfW09rMevMnXoY8ocgH8FEEph4_faUYYmEmj9kWr6IvCRZA85YlS=
yYmWvjkZBJoDzeKr6tv1xRUFnemXtRVpOB67AJTIyllQUyshE40poK_pRa27YUFNuxPYgaXxwHe=
CHdHikmRIIUrO8rDZrYSDCX5gD55nBT6ArDlb1zfkidaLyZGj2Ssks_IKu6e7vMc-9mTXBBUFtP=
9iDQkbbGXqBQKCKIc7w2jznLXQlUkWZlAuq3YepaEbngsB12ajqTw/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfa=
XZHiw/h15/h001.nTymioItu0db_C5aisEBqtrA-qnhWpli69Xt0Lc9fV8" target=3D"_blan=
k" rel=3D"noopener noreferrer nofollow" style=3D"text-decoration-color: rgb=
(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"color: rgb(103, 114, 91);">Insane Media</sp=
an></a></b></i></span></span><b>=C2=A0</b><span style=3D"color:rgb(0, 0, 0)=
;">| </span><span style=3D"color:rgb(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"text-de=
coration:underline;"><i><b><a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://elinke47.insan=
efounder.com/ss/c/u001.AT3-eE2Hi133k66I6TdPhodWUxNzz2Y5Kgh7MoBNZrSWN1QF2nK7=
BtFifA2Me-MFa_bfSucq2w3NqeuIHPSzmoWXkKW5-IAvRb6F_pIsjXCOXVAuHLZ4EVDxIrUNmIS=
BXbZXoAXXBAcTuA90Ml4Tz5u7KgNsNtDjoMwyB65LpBOIjhQkl70QfJGphX492pYPQflxKYEWB9=
l8mF-Y-D9SPNmXsf0DmOdKpyLsm6uQpwlhRTUmcYWLpBddui5qMutFVs39cuPE9DOaAlt5ZZhvT=
A/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h16/h001.nVEvchyi-bbj5uQwJZN16J6Mx3tinywMbOlRE=
iJItQE" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopener noreferrer nofollow" style=3D"tex=
t-decoration-color: rgb(103, 114, 91);"><span style=3D"color: rgb(103, 114,=
 91);">Instagram</span></a></b></i></span></span></p></td></tr><tr><td alig=
n=3D"center" valign=3D"top" style=3D"font-size:0px;line-height:0px;padding:=
15px 0px 15px;" class=3D"dd"><table class=3D"j" role=3D"none" width=3D"20%"=
 border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td>=
 &nbsp; </td></tr></table></td></tr><tr><td id=3D"the-paper-that-changed-ho=
w-i-think-" class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" valign=3D"top" style=3D"color:#0000=
00FF;font-weight:normal;padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;"><h3 style=3D"col=
or:#000000FF;font-weight:normal;mso-line-height-alt:125.0%;">The paper that=
 changed how I think about criticism</h3></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" ali=
gn=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word=
;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> In 1999, three social psycholo=
gists from Stanford University, Geoffrey Cohen, Claude Steele, and Lee Ross=
, published a paper called <a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://elinke47.insan=
efounder.com/ss/c/u001.AT3-eE2Hi133k66I6TdPhsE9HOZYuYxx-QSDdbnOLvtwSIec5ftK=
wwolLE5bC3a4kEqwP4NUiv5glxFZ0Pbc5xdMyLaLlzBUu9H680_GJEoBMkuu2xzkYVBtI22xlp_=
Spx1jL7p_7ALpjiCHMDsSIP9aIOy2MS1lvcIUnIm6xjRZmvzaMhVcORVEBieQxCgz/4ng/CUUF5=
UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h17/h001.CqgLAbxOZM4s5uUmmF2Hat2nnJQwDC1L_ZIuI9sGz-4" tar=
get=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopener noreferrer nofollow"><span>The Mentor=E2=80=
=99s Dilemma: Providing Critical Feedback Across the Racial Divide.</span><=
/a></p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 1=
5px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt=
:150.0%;"> The study is worth decoding because it reaches far more than the=
 education setting - it=E2=80=99s a study about what criticism <i>means</i>=
 in almost any relationship. What was even more fascinating was the researc=
hers&#39;=E2=80=99 background - they weren=E2=80=99t communication research=
ers, but psychologists who studied how people misread each other=E2=80=99s =
motives in high stress social context (<a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://el=
inke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.AT3-eE2Hi133k66I6TdPhsE9HOZYuYxx-QSDdbnO=
LvtoWo5-NJEaufmIZSWTAnUiCVGru1SKsw3N_vrA5entgC4MiC-XdV1XdkXvvs0WOyAcGaQfAXR=
4PokTdvgZAtJePeacM4Cdwy1w95J4cEwP7vaQfUQWGgKRjoHg3yHHiQjy5gbt4HRlt0160DipN2=
qAZpRSaEsika0XrKK51UgYuC0HNZ7QPq7ZLe5gRzwXRZMELTjxSR6TbQ_DS2I3mvz-MTAsRusJ2=
_KIetwnZOJMYIFp2MdLL-dvZdPo_rB5AlU/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h18/h001.04sx=
kbUkYAZ_cJKGYTg0VsCtf1dcKoGPwZTxu-j9K1g" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopener =
noreferrer nofollow"><span>Professor Lee Ross</span></a>), identity-linked =
pressure and how it affects performance (<a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://=
elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.AT3-eE2Hi133k66I6TdPhsE9HOZYuYxx-QSDdb=
nOLvsPbYT1_uO9kZ0wg5yctDEtuDLLNOOJInY3h14Liaw8NWlfldN1f3lYzbt1lRiiBsRwqOKMk=
amBZbz-lGUG0lcbePphT85WskUF1Qjhj2Lu7pZtk__zPxWqw9y3TrZ_D8UE3Lwx7hMpRzLPdEeA=
ml8l8CW4e0juIyuiSbgIgZx0LXcCwPdFsZ5gnJyV3i7ADlPSzxSyBCBQsHg_6Kzk5E9vCT0RKij=
VVtdIqBdLC0Ij6lyOrJ3gbY5UK_wxDGRoWws/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h19/h001.20=
PZnvZiqNzrEVczIO8kLRHYrkT3ivEhyoOhPSVNktk" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopene=
r noreferrer nofollow"><span>Professor Claude Steele</span></a>), and how t=
o utilise small psychological shifts to change how people interpret threat =
and belonging (<a class=3D"link" href=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com=
/ss/c/u001.AT3-eE2Hi133k66I6TdPhsE9HOZYuYxx-QSDdbnOLvuNRwEZye15GcEcIEWVXFAb=
Bc9OZoY5tPs9TJelXH7SJO_9zUctSp9H6h4gTcHsD6cWHieDO_pw6ihM2jhNMMS9iJpwBqD590l=
FeQSzpIgGcnYuAeQQd8JoqybrTlfKHyNdynlvL_W9crZFacEq3C-oKT22MNaFCeD1eIG96VKShE=
4AEJBNm7mwy0ulMI96gOU9SOwMu_u_d8qFkbmO78dUJI-BMU-PneJ5BKNFg1-IUO7Es5zVDQmIX=
tMO_bOVAmPN5Av4zqJN0qoW1Vta20ud/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h20/h001.gdZ56fu=
-g1BUNIanCc5DaJOFcqf1gJrEd0Xm7_Jq4FU" target=3D"_blank" rel=3D"noopener nor=
eferrer nofollow"><span>Professor Geoffrey L Cohen</span></a>). </p></td></=
tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align=
:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> In =
the paper, two student groups received largely critical feedback. The resea=
rchers then tested different ways to frame the same criticism and how they =
were perceived by the student groups. They framed the way they delivered th=
e criticism in three types (while the criticism itself remained the same): =
</p></td></tr><tr><td style=3D"padding-bottom:12px;padding-left:37px;paddin=
g-right:27px;padding-top:12px;" class=3D"ee"><div style=3D"margin-left:0px;=
" class=3D"edm_outlooklist"><ol start=3D"1" style=3D"list-style-type:decima=
l;margin:0px 0px;padding:0px 0px 0px 0px;"><li class=3D"listItem ultext"><p=
 style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;word-break=
:break-word;"> Unbuffered criticism </p></li><li class=3D"listItem ultext">=
<p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;word-bre=
ak:break-word;"> Criticism + High standards </p></li><li class=3D"listItem =
ultext"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;=
word-break:break-word;"> Criticism + High standards + Assurance </p></li></=
ol></div></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px=
 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-a=
lt:150.0%;"> The third type changed the outcomes of how well the students r=
eceived the feedback, and the researchers called it =E2=80=9Cthe wise criti=
cism=E2=80=9D; the added messages were: </p></td></tr><tr><td style=3D"padd=
ing-bottom:12px;padding-left:37px;padding-right:27px;padding-top:12px;" cla=
ss=3D"ee"><div style=3D"margin-left:0px;" class=3D"edm_outlooklist"><ul sty=
le=3D"font-weight:400;list-style-type:disc;margin-bottom:12px !important;ma=
rgin-top:12px !important;padding:0px 0px 0px 0px;"><li class=3D"listItem ul=
text"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;wo=
rd-break:break-word;"> High standards: the work is being held to a bar </p>=
</li><li class=3D"listItem ultext"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;p=
adding:0px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"> Assurance of capability=
: I believe you can meet the bar </p></li></ul></div></td></tr><tr><td clas=
s=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-brea=
k:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> When the criticism=
 was delivered without the buffer of =E2=80=98assurance of capability=E2=80=
=99, students were more likely to interpret it through the lens of bias and=
 rejection, and motivation dropped. Praise alone did not improve how feedba=
ck was received, nor did high expectations alone. When it arrived with both=
 layers, students responded well, motivation and identification improved. <=
/p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;=
text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150=
.0%;"> This is familiar to most leaders: criticism at work is rarely proces=
sed as neutral information; it is often processed as a social signal, espec=
ially when ambiguity is present - differences in background, seniority, gen=
der, status, identity, and race. </p></td></tr><tr><td align=3D"center" val=
ign=3D"top" style=3D"font-size:0px;line-height:0px;padding:15px 0px 15px;" =
class=3D"dd"><table class=3D"j" role=3D"none" width=3D"20%" border=3D"0" ce=
llspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td> &nbsp; </td></t=
r></table></td></tr><tr><td id=3D"the-founder-translation-criticism-i" clas=
s=3D"dd" align=3D"left" valign=3D"top" style=3D"color:#000000FF;font-weight=
:normal;padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;"><h3 style=3D"color:#000000FF;fon=
t-weight:normal;mso-line-height-alt:125.0%;">The founder translation: criti=
cism is rarely heard as =E2=80=9Cabout the work.=E2=80=9D</h3></td></tr><tr=
><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;=
word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> In startu=
ps, feedback lives inside a constant inner noise of uncertainty: Do I belon=
g here? Am I safe here? Am I still valued here? Is my role shrinking? Is my=
 future at stake? </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=
=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"ms=
o-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> Even high performers can carry a private versio=
n of this, especially when the organisation is moving fast, and the social =
terrain changes weekly. Founders are not immune either. When you give criti=
cism, you are usually also managing your own threat narrative: pressure, re=
sponsibility, the fear that you are carrying everyone on your back. </p></t=
d></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-a=
lign:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;">=
 Cohen, Steele, and Ross were researching racial mistrust in mentoring, but=
 the psychological mechanism can apply to work situations in which people h=
ave any reason to doubt their standing: criticism doesn=E2=80=99t land as g=
uidance, and the feedback becomes irrelevant and unhelpful. </p></td></tr><=
tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:lef=
t;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> This is=
 why founders often default to two extremes: </p></td></tr><tr><td style=3D=
"padding-bottom:12px;padding-left:37px;padding-right:27px;padding-top:12px;=
" class=3D"ee"><div style=3D"margin-left:0px;" class=3D"edm_outlooklist"><u=
l style=3D"font-weight:400;list-style-type:disc;margin-bottom:12px !importa=
nt;margin-top:12px !important;padding:0px 0px 0px 0px;"><li class=3D"listIt=
em ultext"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:le=
ft;word-break:break-word;"> They soften criticism with warmth and complimen=
ts, hoping to keep the relationship intact, but the behaviour you want to r=
emove persists. </p></li><li class=3D"listItem ultext"><p style=3D"mso-line=
-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"> The=
y deliver criticism bluntly, hoping to create clarity and urgency, but then=
 the relationship fractures and the person disengages. </p><p style=3D"mso-=
line-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;">=
</p></li></ul></div></td></tr><tr><td align=3D"center" valign=3D"top" style=
=3D"font-size:0px;line-height:0px;padding:15px 0px 15px;" class=3D"dd"><tab=
le class=3D"j" role=3D"none" width=3D"20%" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" c=
ellpadding=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td> &nbsp; </td></tr></table></td></=
tr><tr><td id=3D"the-wise-criticism-principle" class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" =
valign=3D"top" style=3D"color:#000000FF;font-weight:normal;padding:0px 15px=
;text-align:left;"><h3 style=3D"color:#000000FF;font-weight:normal;mso-line=
-height-alt:125.0%;">The =E2=80=98wise criticism=E2=80=99 principle</h3></t=
d></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-a=
lign:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;">=
 When you criticise someone=E2=80=99s work, you are sending two messages at=
 once: </p></td></tr><tr><td style=3D"padding-bottom:12px;padding-left:37px=
;padding-right:27px;padding-top:12px;" class=3D"ee"><div style=3D"margin-le=
ft:0px;" class=3D"edm_outlooklist"><ul style=3D"font-weight:400;list-style-=
type:disc;margin-bottom:12px !important;margin-top:12px !important;padding:=
0px 0px 0px 0px;"><li class=3D"listItem ultext"><p style=3D"mso-line-height=
-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"> A message =
about the <i>standard</i></p></li><li class=3D"listItem ultext"><p style=3D=
"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;padding:0px;text-align:left;word-break:break-wo=
rd;"> A message about the <i>person=E2=80=99s standing</i></p></li></ul></d=
iv></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;=
text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150=
.0%;"> Most leaders focus on the first and assume the second will be inferr=
ed correctly. In reality, the second is where most people panic. Wise feedb=
ack makes the second message explicit, so the first message can be heard. <=
/p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;=
text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150=
.0%;"><b>1) Set the standard first</b></p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" al=
ign=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-wor=
d;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> Instead of conveying disappoi=
ntment, focus on the standard, the culture you=E2=80=99re setting, and move=
 the discussion from personality to common norms and shared rules. </p></td=
></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-al=
ign:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"><=
b>2) Add the buffer: assurance of capability</b></p></td></tr><tr><td class=
=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break=
:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> One of the most int=
eresting parts of the 1999 study is that praise did not work the same way a=
s assurance of capability. Praise sounds like: you are good. Wise feedback =
is: you are capable of accomplishing something difficult, and I am invested=
 in your capability. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" styl=
e=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"m=
so-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> We often reach for praise because it is social=
ly easier, but what people need in times of threat is not admiration, but t=
rust. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0p=
x 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-=
alt:150.0%;"> After giving the criticism, firmly say: =E2=80=9CI=E2=80=99m =
being direct because I believe you can meet that bar.=E2=80=9D It turns cri=
ticism from a threat into a form of inclusion. It says: You are not being d=
emoted from the team; you are being invited deeper into the culture. </p></=
td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-=
align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"=
> Wise feedback is not about being gentle or removing pressure in a crisis;=
 it is about removing interpretive ambiguity and preventing mistrust. By sa=
ying, =E2=80=9CThis is a high-pressure quarter, and I am going to be more d=
irect. I=E2=80=99m doing that because the standard matters and because I be=
lieve you can hit it with the right structure,=E2=80=9D you reiterated the =
performance and protected the relationship. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"=
dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:bre=
ak-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> This could feel unnatur=
al at first because, to an extent, it can feel emotionally exposing, and it=
 forces founders to admit they care whether the team member stays stagnant =
or grows. Being emotionally distant or detached can feel safer, but it coul=
d also make feedback feel more like a rejection. </p></td></tr><tr><td clas=
s=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-brea=
k:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> Most of us think d=
elivering good criticism is about choosing the right words, but this study =
suggests it is about controlling the meaning behind your criticism. When pe=
ople feel trusted, they can hear =E2=80=9Cyour work missed the standard=E2=
=80=9D instead of =E2=80=9Cyou missed the standard as a person.=E2=80=9D </=
p></td></tr><tr><td align=3D"center" valign=3D"top" style=3D"font-size:0px;=
line-height:0px;padding:15px 0px 15px;" class=3D"dd"><table class=3D"j" rol=
e=3D"none" width=3D"20%" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" a=
lign=3D"center"><tr><td> &nbsp; </td></tr></table></td></tr><tr><td id=3D"k=
ey-takeaways" class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" valign=3D"top" style=3D"color:#00=
0000FF;font-weight:normal;padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;"><h3 style=3D"c=
olor:#000000FF;font-weight:normal;mso-line-height-alt:125.0%;">Key takeaway=
s</h3></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15=
px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:=
150.0%;"> We often think of criticism as a test of the other person=E2=80=
=99s maturity, but it is also a test of our ability to achieve two goals at=
 once: maintaining standards and belonging. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"=
dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:bre=
ak-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> For a practical experim=
ent for this week: pick one feedback conversation you are avoiding, and wri=
te your opening in two sentences only. </p></td></tr><tr><td style=3D"paddi=
ng-bottom:12px;padding-left:37px;padding-right:27px;padding-top:12px;" clas=
s=3D"ee"><div style=3D"margin-left:0px;" class=3D"edm_outlooklist"><ol star=
t=3D"1" style=3D"list-style-type:decimal;margin:0px 0px;padding:0px 0px 0px=
 0px;"><li class=3D"listItem ultext"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%=
;padding:0px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"> The standard. </p></l=
i><li class=3D"listItem ultext"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;padd=
ing:0px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"> Your belief that they can =
meet it and your intention to keep them in the game. </p></li></ol></div></=
td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-=
align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"=
> Next edition, we will take this into group conflict, where the question i=
s no longer =E2=80=9Cdo I belong=E2=80=9D but =E2=80=9Cwhich side am I on,=
=E2=80=9D and why teams turn disagreement into identity attacks so quickly.=
 </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"e" align=3D"left" valign=3D"top" style=3D"p=
adding:15px 15px 12px;"><h3 style=3D"">How&#39;s the depth of today&#39;s e=
dition?</h3></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"ee e " style=3D"padding:0px 15px 15p=
x;"><div style=3D"margin-left:0px;" class=3D"edm_outlooklist"><ul style=3D"=
list-style-type:disc;padding:0px 0px 0px 0px;margin:0px 0px;"><li class=3D"=
listItem ff" style=3D"list-style-type:disc;text-align:left;"><a href=3D"htt=
ps://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96HvxOJxLtWw=
eYntAW6STifKd0iQVY5n67Z-f27gSGgQTUlOSxiebolbjmsRW9v8NBLB8uTZX3Xus6x-Lk79CDZ=
bG2nFxBjYSBSGRaq7-aCGgWmcW6KthumhXp_nN5qnf_IMlpry3PtvY49p9yhtpeKMqi5ygbZU8b=
mbjjwlO7rXICiDtFUqDbyh-ibQ3ybXHkggFcjFoDDHwiXvd2UyejgMIFTHrFRwB9HJpVotGPI7A=
eP_gZTAE4nFx4ZutyOWQoWFi-QE4y5VPpAzBPTYC8Qx-U4B4Thwkljlrq_2jXP74wckxijiZUW5=
fzJ_hv71yvsIl8bP_4YPz9f2IB3gRRUC5qLvZVX_pCwuo-6SJbnQGFAEsuySYXbCIFzQG_L57al=
9iApbLAegI4w6LRieQ02lwALPckFM4NP8Z8Cns-HKqAwP_22qRAYYzGmbZm8-LHHKSqhJNsnXVE=
RoLOQ6WFSg6FbSS4f_gN_KZ0jEvPCEiJpWtxHm3vLJm3ai6A3LdydZw6z-893UCHT8HfbzWDjs_=
THKaimBIVkFd_YVXkHcXEJH1d6GZlhEqiTA9K60QbZHLshiXfApJYoWraD5O8/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ=
6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h21/h001.tSbkt7ijpkIUk4bgVW-40lw67QLR3oK21bjrnpMmHaM">Just ri=
ght =E2=9C=A8 - Thoughtful, sharp, and easy to digest</a></li><li class=3D"=
listItem ff" style=3D"list-style-type:disc;text-align:left;"><a href=3D"htt=
ps://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96HvxOJxLtWw=
eYntAW6STifKd0iQVY5n67Z-f27gSGgQTUlOSxiebolbjmsRW9v8NBLB8uTZX3Xus6x-Lk79CAC=
kpjPdptjKFel1nBheEnVHO_KBTdpRRnwUarmebJtBhiqsxAhC8dHWd6oxMASKwKyTL3j_ThXAwT=
1hNAQFQ_FuYWsRgSvk6qQwCCi0cfynJx9AP8en4vWt5U8Q6ICJfvzV-BMg8DhtZEAlgXTrPJUy0=
EY6LHmow7xsowAQKyhB5G-X3iVE3pbrrcvgqf4oBpnMmybhukvpqVNMBOpjjMCx_cf38oishtX4=
ObifGW7-2FefTVcIzPCNSZQwoo2omVHg6lqy7Qh8V6ggL8VgAEVyrGq6XE3rCD_idhU89sCZCFO=
xMT4BFaARxUN64-5grGKN-yeJt1nSA6lmuCJ7AlWDI2ck3zju4fZ8efQI81xDsbxKAh3o-QB61M=
_kZ3mgUonKEmc4TqaQ1SIxSPuDZEyoyXM3l-ukjUQqsGJdElCMzxANv9XafsSuclingnVWyRXfY=
By0KifmATBe583xWmqRtF2PvrM9SSwmiTA_tSLO4Gv9IrVu3oGqqWzgpS5D_4/4ng/CUUF5UBlQ=
6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h22/h001.cGbVNuLwcghSmlKJyfNmAXdKm8oIkHnUEOtvLR6TZiA">Not in =
depth enough =F0=9F=94=8E - Give me more insights & nuance</a></li><li clas=
s=3D"listItem ff" style=3D"list-style-type:disc;text-align:left;"><a href=
=3D"https://elinke47.insanefounder.com/ss/c/u001.gaaA1Gye7IN08GIPmsK5K96Hvx=
OJxLtWweYntAW6STifKd0iQVY5n67Z-f27gSGgQTUlOSxiebolbjmsRW9v8NBLB8uTZX3Xus6x-=
Lk79CCgzv-ALKIyXT5Js03K6BIY3JBXdU3ucfUFQlwvFtJKq6RRMda4qAI8aPLfhlxsRalk2QXb=
e5LHP3rYodsP5FZ_XEabWucJ_YxW_wBDFkuLO12byZCDWSmMoKx_6bWFvKb9r86dKa88bwN1ktQ=
1t4humIkYiw9dku-P0KErx4OflaKdHymOUFtoMHe5rcPvQHhyGJyfy5ybcGTZJK8m2XAqqnHxai=
0c02NJzmUez4KIjAHgmJPHU-9uFAd4B9S2-OR8JJNUV61ESIWNwqmG_qFTpSAkPDDuiBo4jn_Ct=
qzjaoqmKz6eWJahwWHcNACXPRteGdKrr5QmryexAp2NOOP1ZHTRDiB4Z1HM6veWzaZcEJgMj0wx=
VytOkpzFXf_tvRd1UDkJ0FOHFjQh2iGs1I25EMhXTehE4ZO8wHwB7wmnCZWIqyedwc4uMxk6gt6=
TSnYpuX1Kf0xMU681V11DGA-ogJMZdx8ltyIUuQE1oAObZha21PXl-MZdek1Wzd16MAE/4ng/CU=
UF5UBlQ6-iQMVfaXZHiw/h23/h001.Zb5SNRx-sp9IwU6bnQomO2O8KQJFwXk6ZDk-MKbgvp0">=
Too dense =F0=9F=92=A5 - I=E2=80=99d prefer lighter, quicker reads</a></li>=
</ul></div></td></tr><tr><td align=3D"center" valign=3D"top" style=3D"font-=
size:0px;line-height:0px;padding:15px 0px 15px;" class=3D"dd"><table class=
=3D"j" role=3D"none" width=3D"20%" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpaddi=
ng=3D"0" align=3D"center"><tr><td> &nbsp; </td></tr></table></td></tr><tr><=
td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;wo=
rd-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> As always, =
hit reply if something in here hits home. </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd=
" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:left;word-break:break=
-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"> Until next week,<br>Laven=
a </p></td></tr><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15=
px;text-align:left;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:=
150.0%;"> P.S. <i>If you want to get a founder feature about your own story=
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e=3D"none" border=3D"0" cellspacing=3D"0" cellpadding=3D"0" style=3D"width:=
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ion:none;width:100%;"> Click to improve future content </a></td></tr></tabl=
e></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></td></tr><tr><td i=
d=3D"insane-media-is-more-than-one-voice" class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" valig=
n=3D"top" style=3D"color:#000000FF;font-weight:normal;padding:0px 15px;text=
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ht-alt:125.0%;">=E2=9C=A8 Insane Media is more than one voice</h3></td></tr=
><tr><td class=3D"dd" align=3D"left" style=3D"padding:0px 15px;text-align:l=
eft;word-break:break-word;"><p style=3D"mso-line-height-alt:150.0%;"><i>Div=
e into our other newsletters - where psychology meets the creator economy, =
e-commerce marketing, and Human resources. </i></p></td></tr><tr><td align=
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0"/></div></td><td style=3D"display: inline-block;color:#282828;font-size:1=
8px;font-weight:700;line-height:24px; margin-bottom: 16px;"><div class=3D"r=
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xt" style=3D"display:block;"> Curious Creator </div><div class=3D"rec__text=
--muted" style=3D"padding:0;color:#767676;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;di=
splay:block;word-break:break-word;"> Smart creators don=E2=80=99t just post=
=E2=80=94they build platforms, grow audiences, and monetize with intention.=
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xt" style=3D"display:block;"> AI Odyssey </div><div class=3D"rec__text--mut=
ed" style=3D"padding:0;color:#767676;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;display=
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d decision-makers. </div></td></tr><tr><td align=3D"center" colspan=3D"2" s=
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