Return-Path: Delivered-To: alvarochf@traceseis.com Received: from cs510.bluehost.com by cs510.bluehost.com with LMTP id cAkkKwLGoGmh9QsAWiBQxw (envelope-from ) for ; Thu, 26 Feb 2026 15:15:30 -0700 Return-path: Envelope-to: alvarochf@traceseis.com Delivery-date: Thu, 26 Feb 2026 15:15:30 -0700 Received: from o42.sg.ascendbywix.com ([149.72.118.130]:37876) by cs510.bluehost.com with esmtps (TLS1.3) tls TLS_AES_128_GCM_SHA256 (Exim 4.98.2) (envelope-from ) id 1vvjdq-00000003I9E-2EiA for alvarochf@traceseis.com; Thu, 26 Feb 2026 15:15:30 -0700 DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=slowdownsummit.co; h=content-type:date:from:mime-version:subject:reply-to:list-unsubscribe: list-unsubscribe-post:to:cc:content-type:date:from:subject:to; s=s1; bh=mS5psdTLk5Wd5MYaLXk4d9lkEL5A39KFKFZywrSb9go=; b=PX9AKm/EYP760/N8ga0dJFqdgiFzSV65Ar1/sM5z5bxiRYWFFLUB8DYBSN+T8fE4NVgS g1yNe02ekXnRnsfzohfsS/umyC6gtTKMW2Xi/5567FJvlURgMPQCBcXkHHA1epjv67vPYt bnNESi2fUtarvG482OKcB0LwydCDSldlaZfNHChjuPZr1gqYN7rq467YfOnEjB0dXENj8U HHLgHXl9r3zEk9pz/qZi7IXl3Gdk/ogGoi8mq1ZKCqxLh7vWec89PFvx9z6yDCI7b4issH D7jD3/Dzt+/3V547wgEamRl2QC0GuTuu2Nl0Uu2p9f5kKeu1Mb06+vubNiz3ydyA== Received: by recvd-6cfbc69475-t92kz with SMTP id recvd-6cfbc69475-t92kz-1-69A0C5F7-A 2026-02-26 22:15:19.037958235 +0000 UTC m=+1392130.731497064 Received: from NTQ0MTAyODI (unknown) by geopod-ismtpd-4 (SG) with HTTP id n7xHl4uFR9KCOc79SN7EXw Thu, 26 Feb 2026 22:15:19.000 +0000 (UTC) Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary=233aca43ffc9c1129da6d01f7f446b7734a990d3bb32789009a7c162640b Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2026 22:15:19 +0000 (UTC) From: The Slowdown Summit Mime-Version: 1.0 Message-ID: Subject: Dear Danielle Volume 4: Getting Close to Others Reply-To: The Slowdown Summit Feedback-ID: =?us-ascii?Q?bc735539-6f9e-4196-9dc6-e5b61ac8b051=3Afc8c9645-e7e3-40a1-add0-7?= =?us-ascii?Q?4659c664332=3Awixshoutout?= List-Unsubscribe: =?us-ascii?Q?=3Chttps=3A=2F=2Fwww=2Eslowdownsummit=2Eco=2F=2F=5Fmanage-consent=2Fapi=2Frevoke-con?= =?us-ascii?Q?sent=2Funsubscribe=3FwixToken=3DJWE=2EeyJhbGciO?= =?us-ascii?Q?iJBMTI4S1ciLCJlbmMiOiJBMTI4Q0JDLUhTMjU2?= =?us-ascii?Q?Iiwia2lkIjoiZkhJbFA4M1cifQ=2Ea1kSGwvkz4-X?= =?us-ascii?Q?-pn8Lea8pN=5FsWm6bDxGu0ds66HS985c5C6kiNzS?= =?us-ascii?Q?8yA=2E-84wbXsJ5fnAuwo-4rpr5w=2EM2j1eAbGHG52?= =?us-ascii?Q?H-AD9p92bMI9CXujYanOXc5xlHX4XpLX--4UFFV?= =?us-ascii?Q?hccUeHUaWdP2=5FoPoOfxU5FbLYFTqWb5YewNbOrW?= =?us-ascii?Q?lAnvWa0bSpXC6mUUxoPvHvW8jYQRuBKWjOukF5G?= =?us-ascii?Q?KK3pNzlFZZ0W-wOvVmK7dtlIdnFNVbiMjBnIEao?= =?us-ascii?Q?quCi6JHSmSuMwC-wyA9t=5FDnItesj1QVUJPG-Cwi?= =?us-ascii?Q?qstoZqtJebfDr4mMdG0rQ8lGgxLHKO9p6q7UwET?= =?us-ascii?Q?AXXKPsoDjNrMeZ4gGEYJO5278Uzco1VZiVi4yen?= =?us-ascii?Q?cgpGLtOlGoP738J3ZAI2FoJ7eRskFrXyEqwbnKs?= =?us-ascii?Q?hjDj0WIlV3TH6z64r7UyultCgkyeeUnQ1ZA5PJ7?= =?us-ascii?Q?5dbopDc-kwIpW4lw2B1J7SJNirhtuQb1kRo5vMf?= =?us-ascii?Q?wT1Ny8V0r4MC116iXIox8AL7G9hndNiGso0eoOP?= =?us-ascii?Q?hmrhEED=2E=5FA10J=5Fy=5FoqYrHWSBkCG84g&locale=3De?= =?us-ascii?Q?n=3E?= List-Unsubscribe-Post: List-Unsubscribe=One-Click Precedence: Bulk x-abuse-id: bc735539-6f9e-4196-9dc6-e5b61ac8b051 X-SG-EID: =?us-ascii?Q?u001=2EVNbkHY5boKC399JCmDfHa5ZHdD7zkW3lmlGGbuvz6xK6uJMtzdTB10lR0?= =?us-ascii?Q?LjO2LA=2F3d3aGrLnWeqsWqihwZs5GLfbY97pCqYK?= =?us-ascii?Q?aK71Nw+aJsthc3lsTzHY5mCvdFn99axAvQojn6w?= =?us-ascii?Q?Jyy5URbqQwPS8STowen0bA3qXRhudWz3LFEFj+Z?= =?us-ascii?Q?0fcwgNrCZd2rvfpYCEIvRzhYfuToALNVsPt7BIb?= =?us-ascii?Q?JL7uyo1bTzHVGXoMuE5dxOuNYmigo=2FArqkBf7xJ?= =?us-ascii?Q?bfRk?= X-SG-ID: =?us-ascii?Q?u001=2ESdBcvi+Evd=2FbQef8eZF3BpTL9BgbK5wfSJMJGMsmprB0dQaFubbFr0r5v?= =?us-ascii?Q?6Ml72IsTh2intbEiMU7RiLzyQesOvf9hMw++E5I?= =?us-ascii?Q?KI9YHeWeMNUTDDpUY248MaDCpeL0QcPFTxSmtzi?= =?us-ascii?Q?Ck9Jx=2FparFBY=2F8OtaMH5cMiG07QQSmxWE1e2RwL?= =?us-ascii?Q?1hXN3iPG8aWUUYYjyn=2FsHZBkKoGpOk56Uoh78Zw?= =?us-ascii?Q?jxoMeptmfsWeOdsP31nO39ygms9cdw2Xu0ceRmB?= =?us-ascii?Q?HgQBihg9o8KbpJeAfo2Sx0lF++7BjhA3jzuqQQ0?= =?us-ascii?Q?7i01r0ZjJWBOuXUbGQuT4epozyOrHYEPisezeek?= =?us-ascii?Q?Z9+odWsmufVfYeDFuEoq+0ZzlCY5lUqe5xZ0S5r?= =?us-ascii?Q?f9exPbaIsXsPwtg0WAJOEgNBPWrlW1GMaKHba4y?= =?us-ascii?Q?W6MfJF9v0pVZirg2y3VyvzZb2fDELii0o0+Pwz2?= =?us-ascii?Q?FrgwoM0pQXjBJgK+ZvYnF5cANfkTUoQx56dF6xz?= =?us-ascii?Q?6N35C9KeE9rdTS3EfM4x8Kdvac?= To: alvaro chaveste X-Entity-ID: u001.2IGTJpGAUkktDDHNYjQmjA== --233aca43ffc9c1129da6d01f7f446b7734a990d3bb32789009a7c162640b Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8 Mime-Version: 1.0 VOLUME 3: COMMUNICATING NEEDS A subscriber writes: Dear Danielle, People in my life know me as grounded a= nd independent. I=E2=80=99m reliable in a crisis and I am proud of that. I = have moved several times in my adult life (for work) and I always put signi= ficant effort into building a network of new friends wherever I land. Howev= er, I am feeling more alone the older I get. It=E2=80=99s not that I don=E2= =80=99t want deeper relationships. I do. It=E2=80=99s just that when someon= e gets close enough to see the messier parts of me, something in my body sh= uts down. I tend to get quiet and change the subject. I know I am creating = distance without meaning to. This is starting to impact my personal life as= I am ready to date again after leaving a tough relationship, but first I f= eel like I need to figure out what "this" is. -- Close, but not that Close Danielle Writes: Dear Close, The statement =E2=80=9CI know I=E2=80=99m crea= ting distance without meaning to=E2=80=9D signals to me that you have ident= ified a survival strategy that doesn=E2=80=99t align with the person you ar= e becoming. This is great news, because you have the awareness to realize i= t, and the curiosity to explore solutions. Let=E2=80=99s dig in! Firstly, l= et=E2=80=99s establish that two things can be true at once. Your struggles = don=E2=80=99t negate your strengths. You can be reliable in a crisis, and f= eel chaotic inside. You can be independent, and desire support from your co= mmunity. You can deeply crave connection, and also feel apprehensive about = the reality of closeness with another. This doesn=E2=80=99t make you =E2=80= =9Cbroken,=E2=80=9D it makes you human. Secondly, in my experience, a perso= n=E2=80=99s ability to hold nuance, compassion and curiosity are huge signa= ls of potential for emotional maturity. I like to call this =E2=80=9Cearned= complexity=E2=80=9D. Have you ever read about Internal Family Systems? Som= etimes referred to as =E2=80=9CParts Work=E2=80=9D- it describes the concep= t of our inner psychological landscape, and how we are composed of differen= t parts. In trauma recovery we often find that some parts of us are =E2=80= =9Cexiled=E2=80=9D or repressed in order to source safety in our earliest r= elationships. It=E2=80=99s a common experience for folks to hang on to thes= e patterns of repression long after they need to. Even after the danger has= passed. When this happens we tend to isolate, avoid, or push away intimate= relationships for fear of being witnessed in our messy truth. Not necessar= ily because our relationships are harmful, or because we are unlovable, but= often because we fear the repetition of old cycles. In my experience, heal= ing happens in moments when we embody the understanding that our future doe= s not have to repeat the pain of our past. You are the only one who can dec= ide if this feels true for you, but if any of that rings true, you might be= nefit from some compassionate self reflection. Are there parts of you that = you don=E2=80=99t feel comfortable with yet? If so, I bet you=E2=80=99ll be= pleasantly surprised at how much easier intimacy becomes for you after you= accept these parts of yourself. Please know that if any of this does sound= true for you, it is NOT a failure on your part. These survival strategies = happen subconsciously - which means we are not actively choosing them. The = positive part of this, is that once you recognize a pattern like this you c= an choose to shift out of it - if you want to. What would happen if you dat= ed yourself for a period? How can you become your own best partner? Better = yet, what if you date your =E2=80=9Cmessy=E2=80=9D parts? What do they need= to feel safe with you? If you were to reframe your avoidance of intimacy a= s an intelligent protection strategy=E2=80=A6 what are you seeking protecti= on from exactly? There is much for you to discover on the other side of tha= t reflection if you choose to explore it! You=E2=80=99re closer than you th= ink, -- Danielle We look forward to your future submissions to Dear Danielle, and can't wait= to see you at the Slowdown Summit on April 27. Get your ticket today! Rest= up. Slow down. Lead differently. =F0=9F=8C=B1 Click on the link below to open the message in a browser: https://slowdownsummit.co/so/32PoQKt61/c?w=3D42_9yiqTKnMFWakbdenU-lvxlad9ka= svIwTkq4ezWRA.eyJ1IjoiaHR0cHM6Ly9zbG93ZG93bnN1bW1pdC5jby9zby8zMlBvUUt0NjE_b= GFuZ3VhZ2VUYWc9ZW4iLCJtIjoibWFpbCIsImMiOiJiYzM0Yjk3MC1lZTdlLTQ1NjYtODQ0OC1j= NjRlNjBlYWQ0OTQifQ You've received this email because you are a subscriber of this site. https://slowdownsummit.co/so/32PoQKt61/c?w=3D4AAk2PwKWikYtPiyTekcIRPKQuuV2s= DzeIiyJFxQXZg.eyJ1IjoiaHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuc2xvd2Rvd25zdW1taXQuY28vIiwibSI6Im1ha= WwiLCJjIjoiYmMzNGI5NzAtZWU3ZS00NTY2LTg0NDgtYzY0ZTYwZWFkNDk0In0 If you feel you received it by mistake or wish to unsubscribe, please click= here. https://www.slowdownsummit.co//_manage-consent/api/revoke-consent/unsubscri= be?wixToken=3DJWE.eyJhbGciOiJBMTI4S1ciLCJlbmMiOiJBMTI4Q0JDLUhTMjU2Iiwia2lkI= joiZkhJbFA4M1cifQ.a1kSGwvkz4-X-pn8Lea8pN_sWm6bDxGu0ds66HS985c5C6kiNzS8yA.-8= 4wbXsJ5fnAuwo-4rpr5w.M2j1eAbGHG52H-AD9p92bMI9CXujYanOXc5xlHX4XpLX--4UFFVhcc= UeHUaWdP2_oPoOfxU5FbLYFTqWb5YewNbOrWlAnvWa0bSpXC6mUUxoPvHvW8jYQRuBKWjOukF5G= KK3pNzlFZZ0W-wOvVmK7dtlIdnFNVbiMjBnIEaoquCi6JHSmSuMwC-wyA9t_DnItesj1QVUJPG-= CwiqstoZqtJebfDr4mMdG0rQ8lGgxLHKO9p6q7UwETAXXKPsoDjNrMeZ4gGEYJO5278Uzco1VZi= Vi4yencgpGLtOlGoP738J3ZAI2FoJ7eRskFrXyEqwbnKshjDj0WIlV3TH6z64r7UyultCgkyeeU= nQ1ZA5PJ75dbopDc-kwIpW4lw2B1J7SJNirhtuQb1kRo5vMfwT1Ny8V0r4MC116iXIox8AL7G9h= ndNiGso0eoOPhmrhEED._A10J_y_oqYrHWSBkCG84g&locale=3Den --233aca43ffc9c1129da6d01f7f446b7734a990d3bb32789009a7c162640b Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Type: text/html; charset=utf-8 Mime-Version: 1.0 @media only screen and (min-width:480px){ .a {width:10= 0%!important;max-width:100%;}.b {width:35.3596757852077%!important;max-widt= h:35.3596757852077%;}.c {width:29.280648429584605%!important;max-width:29.2= 80648429584605%;} }
=
=
 
3D""
3D"Introducing

VOLUME 3: COMMUNICATING NEEDS

=

= A subscr= iber writes:

 

Dear Danielle,

 

People in my life know me as grounded and independent. I=E2=80=99m reli= able in a crisis and I am proud of that. I have moved several times in my a= dult life (for work) and I always put significant effort into building a ne= twork of new friends wherever I land.

 

However, I a= m feeling more alone the older I get. It=E2=80=99s not that I don=E2=80=99t= want deeper relationships. I do. It=E2=80=99s just that when someone gets = close enough to see the messier parts of me, something in my body shuts dow= n. I tend to get quiet and change the subject. I know I am creating distanc= e without meaning to.

 

This is starting to impact m= y personal life as I am ready to date again after leaving a tough relations= hip, but first I feel like I need to figure out what "this" is.

<= p style=3D"margin:0;color:#231F20;font-family:helvetica,sans-serif;text-ali= gn:left;line-height:24px;font-size:16px;" class=3D"i qb sb"> 

-- Close, but not that Close

=

Danielle Writes:
=  

Dear Close,

 

The statement =E2=80=9CI kn= ow I=E2=80=99m creating distance without meaning to=E2=80=9D signals to me = that you have identified a survival strategy that doesn=E2=80=99t align wit= h the person you are becoming. This is great news, because you have the awa= reness to realize it, and the curiosity to explore solutions. Let=E2=80=99s= dig in! 

 

Firstly, let=E2=80=99s establish that two things can be true at once.= Your struggles don=E2=80=99t negate your strengths. 

 

You can be reliable in a crisis, and fe= el chaotic inside. You can be independent, and desire support from your com= munity. You can deeply crave connection, and also feel apprehensive about t= he reality of closeness with another. This doesn=E2=80=99t make you =E2=80= =9Cbroken,=E2=80=9D it makes you human. 

 <= /p>

Secondly, in my experience, a person=E2=80=99s abili= ty to hold nuance, compassion and curiosity are huge signals of potential f= or emotional maturity. I like to call this =E2=80=9Cearned complexity=E2=80= =9D.

 

= Have = you ever read about Internal Family Systems? Sometimes referred to as =E2= =80=9CParts Work=E2=80=9D- it describes the concept of our inner psychologi= cal landscape, and how we are composed of different parts.

 

In trauma recovery we ofte= n find that some parts of us are =E2=80=9Cexiled=E2=80=9D or repressed in o= rder to source safety in our earliest relationships. 

 

It=E2=80=99s a common expe= rience for folks to hang on to these patterns of repression long after they= need to. Even after the danger has passed. When this happens we tend to is= olate, avoid, or push away intimate relationships for fear of being witness= ed in our messy truth. Not necessarily because our relationships are harmfu= l, or because we are unlovable, but often because we fear the repetition of= old cycles. 

 

In my experience, healing happens in moments when we embody the = understanding that our future does not have to repeat the pain of our past.=  

 

You are the only one who can decide if this feels true f= or you, but if any of that rings true, you might benefit from some compassi= onate self reflection. Are there parts of you that you don=E2=80=99t feel comfortable with yet? If so, I bet yo= u=E2=80=99ll be pleasantly surprised at how much easier intimacy becomes fo= r you after you accept these parts of yourself. <= /p>

 

Please know that= if any of this does sound true for you, it is NOT a failure on your part. = These survival strategies happen subconsciously - which means we are not ac= tively choosing them. The positive part of this, is that once you recognize= a pattern like this you can choose to shift out of it - if you want to.&nb= sp;

 

<= span style=3D"color:rgb(35,31,32);font-style:normal" class=3D"qb sb">What w= ould happen if you dated yourself for a period? How can you become your own= best partner? Better yet, what if you date your =E2=80=9Cmessy=E2=80=9D pa= rts? What do they need to feel safe with you? 

 

If you were to reframe your avoid= ance of intimacy as an intelligent protection strategy=E2=80=A6 what are yo= u seeking protection from exactly? There is much for you to discover on the= other side of that reflection if you choose to explore it! 

 

You=E2=80=99re closer than you think, 

 

-- Danielle

<= tbody>

We look f= orward to your future submissions to Dear Danielle, and can't wait to see y= ou at the Slowdown Summit on April 27. Get your ticket today!

 

Rest u= p. Slow down. Lead differently. =F0=9F=8C=B1

=
=

Visit our social accoun= ts

3D""3D""3D""

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